Spoke to T on Saturday.

On the phone.

General chit chat and such... Then he mentioned his upcoming trip to Perth (I had forgotten about it) I asked if NGF would miss him... He said he wasn't sure...

I asked what was going on with them... He said they're seeing a fair bit of each other but are not together and isn't sure where they stand.

Conversation:
W: Oh ok... fair enough... she been staying over and that?
T: Yeah, a couple of times.
W: Cool, Fucked her yet?
T: haha, no.
W: What are you letting her stay over for if your not rooting her man?
T: Haha, I dunno.
W: You done anything?
T: Yeah, shes sucked my dick a bit.

Gah! Why did I ask? It's enivitable, and I am doing that kind of thing too and don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly hypocritical about getting upset by it... But if just kinda pulls at my heart strings, literally.

Briefly after that, I announced I had to go and finish some assignments. We bid farewell. On good terms.

I messaged him. "Your still one of my best mates, remember that."

His reply: "I know."

We texted a bit, he said "I do think about you. But I am moving on. We had some great times together and I will never forget them."

"I am genuinely very happy for you. :)... But I am sad we are not happy together. :(" Was my reply.

"Thankyou for being happy for me."

And it's true, I am happy that he is happy. But I am unhappy that we couldn't be happy together.

I think what is hurting is that he has some woman:

• in the bed that I tenderly made everyday,
• in the sheets that I picked out (because they matched the carpet),
• admiring the plant I bought, transplanted and taught him to care for,
• playing with the cushions I bought to ease the nasty colour of his couch,
• walking around the house that I made a home by decorating it for him,
• being cooked the meals that we once reserved for romantic nights with me,
• watching him get ready for work in the morning, then lying in the bed we spent days together in,
• using the makeshift bedside table i made on myside of the bed,
• doing the washing I did numourous times,
• cleaning and taking care of his space,
• showering in the shower I cleaned and made love in,
• using the things I bought for him, appliances, bath mats, towels, shampoo's, dvds.

That must be it... Like this was my home too for a fair time. He said it himself: "I rented it as a house... But you made it a home. It's our home." And it was, we would get up, make breakfast and watch a movie while having it, then shower, clean the house, then make love and go out for lunch, come home, nap, then we would rent movies, pull out the sofa watch them and usually have sex somewhere in the middle. It was OUR home. I cleaned it while he was at work then he would come home and cook me a fabulous dinner and we would have an enviable night in. I loved my time there with him, and now its not my time anymore, its not my home anymore, its not my life anymore...

However, for future refernce NGF - Those ARE my cum stains on the floor and the beautiful doona cover that I so lovingly suggested T purchase.